Tuesday, 30 September 2014
Tory badger defects to UKIP
Tom Logan MP, a badger from Rochester, announced he’d had enough of the Conservatives’ “wishy-washy” policies on immigration and Europe, adding “I wish they’d stop shooting badgers too, come to think of it”.
The resumption of a badger cull in an attempt to stem the spread of bovine tuberculosis has been strangely low on the Conservatives’ political agenda during the current party conference, with MPs preferring to discuss more pressing issues such as the country’s deficit, the future management of the NHS, and lifting the former Labour government’s hunting ban to allow the hunting with hounds of illegal immigrants, benefit cheats, and “anyone with a funny-sounding, foreign Johnny name”.
Basil Brush, the leader of UKIP, grinned toothsomely and said “We’re delighted to welcome this arguably bigoted and none-too-bright badger into our midst. I look forward sharing some xenophobic and economically unsound views with him over a pint of warm bitter in my local. We’ve got plenty in common, and he may be able to assist me in choosing a venue for our next party rally.
“Sadly it can’t be in mainland Europe, so that’s Nuremberg out”.