Thursday, 25 September 2014

Royal family in alien shape shifter shocker

While David Cameron apologises today to the Queen for inadvertently revealing that she ‘purred’ when he told her the outcome of the recent referendum for Scottish independence, the rest of Britain this morning is coming to terms with the likelihood that the Royal family may be alien shape shifters that wear human forms like the rest of us wear clothes.

The ‘purring’ Queen indicates she may be a large, contented cat. A source within Buckingham Palace suggested that when out of her human form she most closely resembles a British Shorthair, adding “the only surprise really is that she looks nothing like a German Rex”. The Palace insider would not confirm rumours that Her Majesty enjoys a morning House Sparrow for her breakfast, nor that she has a scratching post, a jingly ball, and a litter tray in her bedroom.

Nicholas Twitchall, the BBC’s Royal Correspondent, said “For those in the know, it’s long been suspected that the royals aren’t like normal people. I once thought I saw Prince Charles pull his human form off whilst skiing in Austria. It was grim as fuck – like that bit in ‘V’ when the lizard-like alien tears its human face off. This was even scarier than that – it looked just like an inoffensive and arguably evolutionarily redundant Giant Panda.”

It appears as if all the Royal family (or the Firm, as they apparently prefer to be known) may have different alien forms. Tom Logan, a Natural England employee who once witnessed a Hen Harrier appearing to be shot near the Sandringham Estate said “Unfortunately we couldn’t provide enough clear evidence to link anyone with the harrier’s disappearance.

“The presence of a massive, ginger male chicken in the area seemed innocuous at the time...”

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