Thursday, 11 September 2014

Scilly islanders relish chance to give birders a good kicking

With Rare Bird Alert issuing a rallying call yesterday for birders to participate in the once annual Islanders vs. Birders football match, locals on the Isles of Scilly were today relishing the chance to administer an overdue kicking to a birder or two.

Organisers of the football match are clearly worried that there won’t be enough able-bodied birders on the island at any given moment to muster an 11 man side, and have offered an initial wide window of 22 days in October during which the match may be held. Aware of the demographic of the average October visiting birder, incontinence pads will be offered alongside the traditional halftime oranges.

Arthur Balsam, a birder from Reading, said “I’m jolly excited about this! I’ve been a regular on the Scillies since 2011, and can’t wait to have a kick-around with the local chaps! I shall make sure my binos are nearby though in case one of the young Turks on the islands chances upon something mega. I’ll be wearing my pager on my shorts.

“I wouldn’t want to miss a chance to add a lifer to my tick list!”

Locals are more sanguine about the mooted football match. Tom Trelogan, creel fisherman and midfield general, said “I can’t wait to kick the shit out of an emmet birdspotter.

“That’ll teach the moaning twats to wander down the middle of the road in Hugh Town oblivious to anyone in a car needing to get to work. Or to trample through a bulb field they’re definitely not welcome in. Or to whinge about the price of the inter-island boats or accommodation.

“It’s all a bit rich when they’re all retired on a juicy pension and carrying Swarovski scopes over their shoulders.

“Still, at least the tea-rooms do a good trade when they’re here on holiday.”

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