Monday, 15 September 2014

Fair Isle cat says "bring it"

With autumn gearing up and the weather charts auguring well for an epic fall this week, Fair Isle’s premier bird finder is looking forward to a bumper season.

Thomas 'Lower' Logan, a cat from the south end of the island who’s seen more Sibes than you have remarked, “I can’t fucking wait. There’s nothing I enjoy more than stepping outside in the morning with a belly full of cat chow for a spot of pointless rarity hunting. At this time of year, you never know what you might find.

“Maybe it’ll be something dull and unlovable that nobody will miss, a Common Rosefinch say. Or perhaps it’ll be some pleasingly exhausted North American passerine from the boreal forest that’s no idea what a cat is, and can barely fly anyway.”

Thomas has been accused of targeting colourful and ultra rare passerines in the past, with the short stay of certain birds on the island being seen as particularly suspicious. Arthur Balsam, a frustrated twitcher from Stockport said, “Yeah, it’s funny how the Magnolia Warbler in 2012 vanished overnight. Or that Roller the other year. Though one of the former observatory staff members who really should have known better did unkindly suggest the latter bird might have been something else entirely, like a windblown salt and vinegar crisp packet, or plain fantasy...”

Thomas remains unrepentant and unperturbed. “That’s bollocks,” he said. “I’m completely indiscriminate. I don’t have colour vision - I'm a cat, for fuck’s sake. I had nothing to do with the Magnolia Warbler’s disappearance. Mind you, I’ve seen considerably more Siberian Blue and Rufous-tailed Robins than you have, that’s all I’m saying.”

As the observatory staff on census came into view on the horizon, Thomas set off to work the yard at Burkle.

“Bring it,” he said.

1 comment:

  1. Thomas, I like your style. RIP.

    ReplyDelete