Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Birders praise wheelie bin cat woman

As the police mounted a round-the-clock guard tonight on the home of a woman in Coventry caught on CCTV dumping a young cat in a wheelie bin, birders around the UK were lining up to praise the bird-loving heroine.

Mary Bale was unwittingly filmed as she at first stroked the friendly tabby before seizing it firmly by the scruff of the neck and smoothly dropping it into a nearby dustbin. Since footage of her selfless act of bird-friendly heroism was made public, she has been on the receiving end of death threats from all around the world, and the police have been obliged to provide her with protection.

Tom Logan, a birder from Birmingham said "These people need to get some bloody perspective. Cats kill millions of wild birds every year in the UK. She was just doing the local House Sparrows a big favour. And it's not like it was going to be a lingering death - everyone knows a cat won't last more than an hour or two in a plastic wheelie bin left in direct sunlight. It's not as if she was slow-marinading it like they do in America..."

Gary Korkuc, a bird-lover from Buffalo, New York is currently facing charges of animal cruelty after traffic police discovered a live cat in the boot of his car marinading in a piquant mixture of oil, red peppers, chilli and seasoning. Mr Korkuc claimed he was planning on cooking the cat as it was 'death on legs' for dendroica warbler fledglings, adding that it was also 'bad-tempered, possessive, greedy and wasteful'.

His cat, Navarro, was described by police as having black and white markings, a good disposition, weighing 12 pounds, and needing an hour and a half in a hot oven.

Meanwhile, the police in Coventry were unable to provide cooking instructions for the wheelie bin tabby, confining themselves only to a statement confirming that the cat was 'recovering well'.

Tom Logan made the following plea to the nation's bird-lovers: "Dispose of a neighbour's cat - they're easily lured to you with kind words and a gentle hand, and while you could eat them, dumping them in a bin or a canal achieves much the same outcome - one less slit-eyed bastard killing your Blue Tits."

Enid Felcher, an elderly Cat's Protection League supporter from Harrow said "You're all fucking sick. Everyone knows you don't use chilli with cat - they're far nicer roasted with a sprig of rosemary and an onion stuffed up their arse."


  1. lmao this is just fucking awesome

  2. i wonder how many more she's gett'n rid of out of the reach of Big Brother . . .

    wonder if we could squash one or two of our local bird-paparazzi in wheelie bin ?

  3. dude this red background is terrible for your eyes, after reading this article i can hardly read a thing!

  4. KEEP BRITAIN TIDY - BIN A KITTY! They have no redeeming attributes - they're shifty looking, they kill burdz, they crimp off fishy deposits onto your herbaceous borders. Mind you I do quite enjoy it when they rub up against your leg.