David Miliband declared a Marine Protected Area

Former leader of the Labour party David Miliband was today declared a Marine Protected Area (MPA) by the former inhabitants of the Chagos Islands.

Tomas Logasso, spokesman for the Chagossians, said “David Miliband’s pristine coral reefs and unique ecosystems will be preserved by the restrictions an MPA imposes on any activity in his vicinity”.

When it was pointed out to Mr Logasso that David Miliband’s marine fauna was in no way remarkable, and the decision to award him MPA status was lacking in both scientific credibility and diplomatic integrity, he shrugged dismissively.

“David Miliband completely ignored the advice of his civil servants and fisheries advisors when he rushed through an MPA covering 640,000 square kilometres of British Indian Ocean Territory before the last general election. So rushed was it that despite ensuring displaced Chagossians can never move back to their home islands, they somehow forgot to include Diego Garcia. Which, coincidentally, houses a notoriously shady US military base.

“It was almost as if that MPA was all about politics and nothing whatsoever to do with conservation or sound science”.

Arthur Balsam, professor of marine ecology at the University of St Ives, remarked “David Miliband’s new MPA status is going to stifle all activity for miles around him. I wonder if someone slapped an MPA on the entire Conservative party when they were elected in 2010 and forgot to mention it?

“There’s certainly been no positive environmental activity happening anywhere near them in the last four years”.