Sickened by decades of unprosecuted Hen Harrier persecution
by the driven grouse shooting industry, birders are finally taking matters into
their own hands this weekend. Officially, the 10th will be the first
Hen Harrier Day – a day of collective peaceful action to highlight the issues
surrounding the parlous status of Hen Harrier as a British breeding bird.
Rumours abound of more direct action being taken.
“We’re planning to engage with the grouse shooting industry
in ways they’ll understand,” said Tom Logan, a spokesman for Supporting
Harriers Against Gamekeepers (SHAG). “We’ll be leaving carbofuran-laced organic
smoked salmon sandwiches out on the moors as bait for the rich banker shooting
guests. They’re such plump, inviting targets, it’s really not worth trying to
hunt them for sport – it’d be like shooting fish in a barrel. Or pheasants. Better
to just condemn the bloodthirsty twats to a lingering, painful death on the
overnight sleeper back to London.
“The gamekeepers on the other hand are a more cunning lot, a
more worthy opponent. To deal with them we’re going to place Pole traps in
places gamekeepers traditionally congregate – rural pubs, for instance.
Gamekeepers are known for their wild, irrational prejudice against what they
see to be invasive, competitive species – so we think that they’ll be unable to
resist the lure of the chance to verbally abuse some Polish plumbers and
decorators in their local. Once they’ve been flushed out of cover our Polish
friends will ‘re-wild’ the gamekeepers – we’re not sure what ‘re-wilding’ will
actually involve, but imagine it might be something along the lines of dropping
them off the back of a tramp steamer somewhere in the Baltic.”
Meanwhile, donations continue to flood into SHAG to go
towards the cost of putting harriers back on British uplands.
“We looked into the cost, time and effort involved in
reintroducing Hen Harriers into the habitat where they should rightly be,” said
Tom Logan, “but we quickly realised that it would be much cheaper, and more
fun, to buy a few decommissioned Harrier GR-9 jumpjets and use them to target
particularly troublesome shooting estates. We’re planning on celebrating Hen
Harrier Day with a patrol over some of Norfolk’s more notorious estates. We’ve
got some really big speakers mounted alongside the shotguns on the weapon platforms, so we should be
able to drown out the squealing sound of outraged viscounts by blasting ‘The
Ride of the Valkyries’ as we go. And it’ll be interesting to see if anyone near
Sandringham fancies a pop at this
particular harrier...”
He added, “I love the smell of restorative justice in the
morning”.
http://birdersagainst.org/hen-harrier-day-overview/
https://www.facebook.com/BAWCUK/
https://www.facebook.com/BAWCUK/
Oh.My.God- the cats break years of silence for H H Day. I can't tell you how broad my grin is right now. Thanks :)
ReplyDeleteSo good to see the catz back!
ReplyDeleteThe future is bright. Welcome back!!!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back! Your brand of common sense is sorely needed these days. The wildlife NGOs are so extreme and outspoken they make me mad. It'sso good to read some moderate views at last.
ReplyDeleteBring it on! And welcome back...
ReplyDelete